Rant: Aug 11, 2003 (unpublished)

Suzanne Vega at the House of Blues

Hey all,

Been very very depressed the last week or so. Realized the other day that my 18 month bout with FRUSTRATION has slowly turned into anger. Maybe not so slowly but I never thought of it in those terms before.

Over many things - - -

Went to the House of Blues to see Suzanne Vega on Saturday night. Wasn't in the mood but I do love her and live she is always great. Pretty much always the same for the most part, but great. Saturday night on the Sunset Strip though - not a good idea.

They changed the parking meters where before they were valid until 10pm (which I thought was ridiculous - who even thinks about meters after 6 or 7pm?) But now they changed them to valid until 2AM. So if you're going into a club to see a concert you can't be running out to put quarters in the meter all night. And of course you can't park on any residential street in West Hollywood after 7pm without a parking pass.

So you really have NO CHOICE but to park in a lot. Not that long ago it was $5-6 to do so, then all of a sudden they went to $10 which seemed a bit steep. But now at least on Saturday Nights they are $20. $20 just to park.

That made me feel trapped, and that made me feel angry, and I did have the thought that if I can't find a reasonable place to park I am just going to turn around and go home. I did find a place that was $15 and I went in but they were barrel parking everyone (is that he right word?) and they wanted me to leave my keys. No thanks, backed out and back onto the street.

Did finally find a place across the street for $15 and I could park in safety. Mentioned to the attendant that $15 was ridiculous just to park and he agreed, though quietly. I said that up the street was $20 and that's why I was here.

Walked the 5 blocks (!!) to the House of Blues, the show was good, the HoB is annoying as you can hear people TALKING during the show pretty much no matter who you are there to see. I don't understand why people would pay money to go see someone sing and then IGNORE them while they are singing. I guess the acoustics in the building are very good as the conversation in the background echoes all over the place. Or does that mean the acoustics are really BAD?

She's touring for a Greatest Hits album so nothing new, it was OK but the whole time I'm thinking about dying. What do I have to do, before. Change my will, put Sebastian somewhere safe, call my outstanding appts - Joanne and therapist Jim, going through the list while Suzanne is playing in front of me. What do do about Philip?

Was wondering why no gay people were there/fans of Suzanne Vega but there were two seemingly misplaced Weezer/WeHo guys in front of me and a handful of lesbians. I don't understand why more people don't like her in general. I guess she doesn't have much of an image beyond the one hit from 1987 and then the Tom's Diner thing in the mid-90's which she really had nothing to do with.

But back to me. Had previously thought about jumping off a really high building but I think I told you that bunjee jumping thing I did with my cousin cured me of that. The ground came up REAL fast. I didn't like it. So no.

Thought about driving off a cliff - could drive to the Grand Canyon and just keep going ala Thelma & Louise. Thought about fish Ellen DeGeneres in Nemo - "just keep swimming, just keep swimming". Then thought about hitting the ground. Thought about my head smashing into the steering wheel which on a good day I often think about. No, that won't do. That steering wheel honestly is the most scary thing in a car. *shudder*

Wondered if Joanne could put some needles in the appropriate spots and I could just float away and never come back. That is really the best way. Painless and not messy. Would she do it?

Thought about that. Would she do it?

Suzanne was still on stage singing, I wondered if she could hear the people talking in the back. I can't imagine that she couldn't hear them. Except of course when she was actually singing. Felt sorry for her and hoped that she couldn't hear people talking while she was singing.

Wanted to stay afterwards and give her a hug. "I think you're great" which I have told her before. She said thank you.

I was thinking maybe there were some herbs that I could take way too many of and they would be deadly but untraceable and I could just go to sleep without throwing up. Taking a jar full of Tylenol I think I would just throw up, and/or end up in the hospital. No.

Then I started thinking about what a great episode for CSI that would make, and thought if nothing else I could ask Joanne if it were possible under the guise of submitting a script on spec for CSI.

But then might actually do that.

But would Joanne give me a nice send off, peaceful, lying there, comfortable. I would sign a waiver but I would imagine she would get into trouble. Wondered if there was some sort of biodegradable chemical that she would have that would biodegrade me in her back yard. That might work.

Or something I could drink that would turn me into something that could be recycled. Like into tires for kiddy cars. Or stuffing for packing. (I'm always thinking about the packing materials).

But I cold never ask her to take care of the body - she's too girly. And although I am currently weighing in at a reasonable 175LB that's still a lot for her and her assistant to cart away.

Suzanne always ends with the acapella (original version) of Tom's Diner and the audience claps the rhythm and sings the "do do doot doot doo doo" part. Very summer camp if you ask me. The audience tonight was well behaved and did manage to stop when the song slows down just towards the end. At the peak of her 'indy girl alternative" success, at a KROQ concert the audience was clueless and made a horrible clapping/doot dooing mess during the retard. *Shudder* I can still remember it. Suzanne just quietly left the stage.

Would I have a farewell to myself party ala "It's My Party" and invite my years and years worth of friends and ex lovers? I honestly think that 3 or 4 people might be appropriate and then maybe a couple of them might come. But it would be really uncomfortable and I would think it would be emotionally quite disturbing for the guests. It made for a good movie but I think the reality would be a lot harder to take.

Eventually the concert was over and I made a quick exit before the lights came on. Spending years in bars and clubs has given me an innate sense of when the house lights are about to come on and I can usually make a sprint for it.

Walked the 5 blocks back to my car and drove home quietly, uncertain, still angry at the City of West Hollywood for making parking such a problem, and angry at the parking lot owners for taking advantage of the situation. I mean they could charge $40 to park and what could you do? Too far to walk, no busses. Park in LA and take a cab to WeHo?

Don't tell them that they could charge $40 for a parking space.

More later
Bye for now

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